Emotions & Feelings: What’s the difference and how to control them

Managing Your Emotions and Feelings

Do you ever feel like you are not quite in charge of your inner life? Do you imagine a miniature “mad scientist” sitting at the helm, laughing maniacally at every melt down? Don’t worry, there’s hope! Putting that bully in the backseat where he (or she) belongs can be done with just a little intentionality.

Emotions:

Emotions occur in the real-time experience and arises spontaneously, often accompanied by physiological changes such as trembling, temperature, butterflies, or sweating (e.g. She’s upset that she got fired).

Feelings:

Feelings are mental associations and reactions to an emotion and can be biased and altered by misconceptions (e.g. She felt angry and embarrassed when he commented on her outfit because she remembered being bullied in school).

Sentiments:

A general description of how one feels about something (e.g. She’s depressed that her job is so difficult).

Traits:  

A general mindset that creates a similar overall mood. (e.g. She’s a gloomy person)

Feelings, sentiments, and traits are what most commonly drive people to want to change. However, if an emotional response to a situation is consistently an overreaction, one would be wise to discover why.

Emotions and Self-Awareness

Explore what may be intensify a response. Perhaps there are underlying issues to explore such as:

Can we control emotions and feelings?

We are created with the powerful gift of our mind and with practice, emotions and feelings can be managed and often eliminated altogether.

Managing an emotion in the moment.

What is happening in the Brain during acute stress?

• The Amygdala is triggered, activating the fight/flight/freeze response.
• Cortisol and adrenaline are released, preparing us to run or fight.
• Hippocampus and frontal lobe become inactive, so we react instinctively rather than rationally in an effort for survival.

We can use our mind and physiology to calm this stress response. Here are some ways as describe in detail in 10 Ways to Calm Down Fast.

• Step Away
• Quick, Vigorous Exercise
• Havening
• Diaphragmatic (belly) (box) Breathing
• Physiological Sigh
• Hand Warming
• Mindfulness
• Create an Emotional Rescue Playlist (instrumental only for calm, fun favorites with lyrics for mood)
• Loving Kindness Prayer/Meditation
• Focused Movement

Managing a feeling when triggered.

When you are triggered by a memory and those painful feelings return, there are strategies to reduce or eliminate this struggle:

• Acknowledge and name the feeling.
• Allow yourself to sit with it (feel it).
• Name the memory that triggered it and consider spending time unpacking it through journaling or talking with a friend.
• Identify any false beliefs stemming from the memory (e.g. “People always hurt me”).
• Articulate the truth for the present moment (e.g. “I’m safe,” “Most people do not hurt me,” “He/she doesn’t have power over me”).
• Consciously release the memory, the feeling, and the association between the two.
• Repeat as needed.

Creating a Happier Mindset in General

Train your brain

• Turn on your reticular activator system (RAS) – look for what goes well, and your brain will begin seeing what’s good rather that what’s not.
• Smiling, laughing, social contact increases dopamine/serotonin.
• Celebrate wins by a simple acknowledgement or self-high-five which releases dopamine and the brain wants more.
• Kill the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) and change the self-talk
• Practice listening to inner chatter and articulate what you hear.
• Challenge the ANTs and negative focus with a positive reframe.