Find Your Core Values

Values are Our Guideposts in Life

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” ~ Roy E. Disney

Our personal core values are the guiding principles that shape our actions, decisions, and behavior throughout life. Identifying and understanding our authentic core values can help us live more intentional and fulfilling lives. Once we have a clear understanding of what we truly value, decisions should be made that align with that knowledge. Core values are our moral compass.
Aspirational values are those things we desire to live by but have to work into our psyche. For example, you may want to value honesty, but you find yourself lying often, so this would not be an authentic value but rather one you would aspire to develop.
This exercise will focus on discovering your current authentic values, which have probably driven you since childhood. The next chapter deals with core beliefs which are assumptions made about yourself, others, and the world that may or may not be true. Core values are morals and priorities that makeup who you are at the deepest level. When your lifestyle and decisions are aligned with your values it brings a sense of joy and satisfaction. If you are in a profession or relationship that causes internal angst, it may be that there is a misalignment with your values.
Discovering your core values is a process that should be worked through conscientiously without rushing. It can take days or even weeks, but when you are sure of your authentic values, every decision made will bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Questions for discovering your core values:

1. List major decisions and reactions to events in your life.
2. For each, write: (these can be positive or negative)
   a. Why you reacted the way you did or you made the choice.
   b. What internal problem were you trying to solve?
   c. What were you trying to avoid?
   d. What were you trying to accomplish?
3. Once all significant events are recorded:
   a. Circle words or phrases that repeat themselves.
   b. Find the themes and what value they may point to.
4. Add input from others who know you well (the list will be lengthy by now).
5. Narrow your motivation or reaction to a single word or phrase. It may be helpful to use the list of values provided below.
6. Narrow the list and cross off those that aren’t fully accurate. Be careful to be honest, don’t eliminate them just because you don’t like them.
7. Find themes in the list and consolidate the similar words into one best choice. This can be done by making columns of similar or related words, moving the most accurate to the top. Sticky notes that can be moved into groups on a table is a great way too.
8. Narrow the list to five that are most central to your life (not the ones you like best).
9. For each value, write a short sentence. (example: Forgiveness creates the opportunity for people and relationships to be restored, leading to a better future).

If a value is negative or undesirable:

1. Change the negative word into the positive value discovered.
   This is likely a dark side of a positive value (example: need to be liked = community)
2. Brainstorm possible reframes until you discover the true value behind it.